To Have And To Hold
by lalapine
Summary: When Lee and Amanda are unexpectedly separated on their anniversary, each remembers how their marriage vows have related to their lives together.


Disclaimer: SMK & its characters belong to Warner Bros & Shoot the Moon Prods. No infringement is intended.  
  
Summary: When Lee and Amanda are unexpectedly separated on their anniversary, each remembers how their marriage vows have related to their lives together.  
  
Author's Note: Pat suggested a great idea for a story, and I went with it. :) Special thanks to Merel for being my beta.   
  
*** separates different sections/points of view  
xxx separates flashbacks from the present  
  
  
To Have And To Hold  
  
Written by Tammy M. Parnell  
Story idea by Pat  
Beta-Edited by Merel  
  
Introduction/Part One: To Have and To Hold  
  
"Hi, Sweetheart."  
  
Lee smiled into the receiver, glancing at his watch. Almost three in the afternoon. "Hi partner. What's up?"  
  
"You almost done? The bakery called and said our cake is ready. I can pick you up on the way. You still have to change and get ready for the party tonight," Amanda reminded him.  
  
"Party?" he teased. "What party?"  
  
She could just picture his playful grin as he sat surrounded by paperwork in Billy's former office. "I have a very special surprise for you, Lee, but if you don't want it..."  
  
"Happy anniversary," he added quickly.  
  
She laughed, arranging a colorful bouquet of flowers in a vase on the dining room table, balancing the cordless phone against her shoulder. "Four wonderful years."  
  
"Three--at least according to everyone else," he corrected, scanning over a list of new recruits. "But thankfully, we have the same date." He crossed off the final name on the list, having finished the chore of calling each of them to give them news of their acceptance for Agency training.  
  
"It's a good thing, too," she answered, finishing with the flowers and straightening up the table cloth, "or you'd never remember."  
  
"Hey," he replied indignantly. "I have never forgotten our anniversary."  
  
"Time will tell," Amanda teased. She wandered over to the stereo to select some music for the dinner party. "But you have been very busy lately," she pointed out.  
  
He answered, a tinge of guilt in his voice. "I know, I know. Now I understand why Jeanie convinced Billy to retire early. I don't think I realized how much work being a section chief really is."  
  
"That's why Francine and I are there to help you--tomorrow," she reminded him gently, then grinned as she noticed a familiar homemade tape--Billy Blunotes. _Perfect._  
  
"I just had to make a few phone calls. I'm almost finished." Deciding that he'd done enough work for the day, Lee pushed the remaining folders to the corner of the desk.  
  
"Is anyone else there?" she inquired, frowning into the cabinets as she double-checked that they had the necessary ingredients for dinner.  
  
"Nope, it's been dead. Not even any gorgeous young secretaries to keep me entertained," he baited her mischievously.  
  
"You just stay away from the train station, Buster," Amanda countered.   
  
He couldn't help but laugh, remembering their first meeting.  
  
"I'll be there in about twenty minutes," she added. "Does that give you enough time to finish up?"  
  
"That'll be great. Have you heard from the guys?" he asked casually.  
  
She smiled in amusement. "Are you wondering if they'll make it to the party, or are you worried about your car?"  
  
He replied innocently, "It's just a car, Amanda."  
  
"Ha. The Lee Stetson I used to know would never say that."  
  
"The Lee Stetson you used to know would never have let two teenage boys take his car on a weekend trip to Richmond."  
  
She laughed. "True. But I guess we've both changed a lot."  
  
"For the better," he added.   
  
"Phillip called an hour ago; they're on their way home from Joe's parents' house. I also spoke with Billy, Francine, Mother and Kurt, the Millers, and the Cassidys." She counted off on her fingers as she spoke. "Everyone will be here at six."  
  
"Great." He paused, a sensuous smile lingering on his lips. "But I can't wait till it's over so I can   
have you all to myself."  
  
Amanda smiled, her heart beating faster and a familiar warmth spreading through her. "I love you."  
  
"I love you, too," Lee answered softly. "See you soon."  
  
Amanda sighed happily as she set the phone down. Her life had certainly taken an unexpected turn, but it was one of the best things that had ever happened to her. She couldn't imagine a life without Lee or work as challenging and fulfilling as the Agency provided. It was hard to believe that their secret ceremony had been four years ago and that their fateful meeting at the train station was even farther in their past. Their past. They not only had a shared past but a long future ahead of them. Though work was taking up a little too much of their time at present, she knew things would only get better.   
  
With a final glance at the cleaned and straightened dining room, she nodded her approval and went to pick up her husband.  
  
***  
  
Lee was finishing up the last of his paperwork when a noise in the next room caught his attention. Tossing the forms in his out-box to be filed the next morning, he moved to the door.  
  
"Hello?" he called. Glancing around the bullpen, he saw no one. "Hmmm." He shrugged his shoulders. _Get a grip, Scarecrow; you're not in the field._ He glanced at his watch. Amanda would be there any minute. He headed back to Billy's office. _My office,_ he reminded himself. He shut the door, staving off any further distraction.  
  
Settling in at his desk, he wondered how he got so lucky. He never expected to have the life he was now living, but he was thankful for it. . . every day. It had come as no surprise to the rumor mill when Lee and Amanda announced their official engagement, but to him it seemed like he was living a wonderful dream from which he did not want to awake. Sometimes, as he first awoke and the early-morning cobwebs cleared from his mind, he would smile in wonder at his beautiful wife lying beside him.  
  
Another, louder noise jolted him from his thoughts. "Amanda?" he called. Before he could get   
up from his desk, a deafening sound rocked the room. Furniture and books flew from their stations, and in an instant, everything went black.  
  
The explosion knocked Lee to the floor, bits of ceiling and glass hailing down on him. His desk had landed on top of him--luckily in just the right way, with the space that was meant for his legs becoming a little cubby hole for his whole body. It protected him from the flying debris, and he remained still, until well after everything was quiet. His heart and mind were racing. _A bomb_, he concluded. _But who? Is this a threat of more to come?_  
  
He took a deep breath. The time for questions was later. Now, he had to figure out what damage had been done and get the hell out of this mess. His floor had been deserted for the past hour, with few open cases to investigate on this quiet Sunday, though surely agents were on various other levels of the Agency, and Lee hoped they were not injured.  
  
"Amanda," he said suddenly. Had she been in the building during the explosion? With renewed determination to extricate himself, he pushed against his shelter until it finally gave way with a loud crash. Feeling around the drawers, he found a powerful flashlight for use in emergencies. He flicked it on and surveyed the destruction.  
  
"Oh my gosh," he said slowly, unconsciously channeling his wife. The office was unrecognizable. Glass was everywhere; large chunks of the ceiling were missing, having crushed file cabinets and other furniture in the office. The floor creaked precariously as well, and he feared it might give way. He wondered how close he was to the point of detonation.  
  
The dust settling in his lungs sent him to coughing. He cleared his parched throat and   
called out. "Amanda? Amanda, are you here?"   
  
There was no answer. He had to trace the path she would have taken to get to his office--or at the very least, get upstairs and see if her car was outside. _Easier said than done. I doubt the security cameras are still working._  
  
Stepping gingerly through the rubble, he realized he wasn't going to be able to get out the traditional way. Where the door and windows to the bullpen had been, support beams, furniture, and other obstacles pinned him in. He shined his flashlight up to the ceiling. _Maybe_.   
  
Climbing atop of his turned-over desk, Lee dragged a small table on top and climbed up. He peered into the room above him--it used to be the analysis lab. Now, everything was black--burned beyond recognition. Water from the emergency sprinkler system had smothered any fires, but smoke still hovered.  
  
Lee called out, wondering if anyone could be in there. No answer.  
  
Tucking the flashlight into his belt, Lee gripped an edge of the ceiling. As he attempted to pull himself up, it crumbled. He fell off the desk and landed hard on the floor, rolling over to take cover behind an overturned couch as a four-foot chunk of ceiling came crashing within inches of where he had fallen.  
  
Luckily, he'd kept a firm grip on the flashlight, and he made use of it, shining it back into the gaping hole. Exposed wires dangled tauntingly, daring him to try his luck to move past them.  
  
"Dammit!" he swore, staggering to his feet. "I'm stuck." He kicked the couch hard, wincing. Glancing at the wall where the door had been, he realized that he wasn't going to be able to get out of this by himself. He would have to wait for the rescuers--however long that would be. _Guess I'm missing the dinner party,_ he thought ruefully.  
  
Resigned, he sat back against the ruined couch and prayed that Amanda had not been on time. He wiped dust from his face and sighed. _First thing I'm doing when I get out of here_, he vowed silently, _is to grab hold of Amanda and never let her go._  
  
***  
  
The crash of Lee's unsuccessful attempt to climb out echoed through the damaged bullpen, and Amanda's eyes suddenly opened to the sound. _Where am I?_  
  
She was sore, and upon attempting to sit up, a shooting pain in the back of her head stopped her. Gingerly, she propped herself up on an elbow. Biting her lip determinedly, she sat up, rubbing her temples.  
  
"I'm okay," she said, as if trying to convince herself of the fact. She took a few deep breaths and looked around. The emergency generator had kicked in, and with the help of dim emergency lighting, she could just make out where she was--and what must have happened.  
  
"Oh, damn," she gasped, unconsciously channeling her husband. "Lee!"  
  
She struggled to her feet, no longer feeling any pain or the lump that was emerging on the back of her head. It looked as if the door to Lee's office had been forced outward, flying into the bullpen. She surmised that it must have been what knocked her to the ground. And while it had given her a slight concussion, it had also provided a shield against the glass and other debris that was now scattered about the room.  
  
A knot formed in her stomach as she noticed the direction of Lee's office. Where the door and windows had been was now a heavy pile of rocks and rubble.  
  
"Lee! Lee!" she called out, rushing over. She attempted to move some of the debris, but it was lodged in tightly. She needed help--and fast. There might be another explosion. Hurrying her way to the entrance of the bullpen, she realized her predicament. She knew the elevator wouldn't work, but she hadn't expected the door to the stairway to be blocked. The damage wasn't nearly as bad in the hallway, but part of the wall had pushed against the entrance, and there was no getting past it.  
  
She sighed in frustration, glancing at her watch. 3:40pm. The dinner party was the least of her concerns now. All she wanted was Lee to be safe. Picking her way carefully back through the bullpen, she settled down against the wall closest to his office. Her knees pulled to her chest, she wrapped her arms around her legs, thinking that the first thing she would do when she saw her husband was to hold him tightly and tell him that she loved him.  
  
***  
  
Part Two: For Better or Worse  
  
Lee sat in the dark, having turned off the flashlight to conserve the battery. Being so far underground he had no way of knowing if rescue personnel had arrived to dig him out. He knew silent alarms had gone off to various locations and that the proper Agency authorities would be putting together a crew to dig through the debris. Hopefully, Amanda was on the outside, safe, instructing them where to find him and any other missing agents.  
  
He felt the comforting band of gold around his ring finger. Being married to Amanda symbolized so much more than just the union of man and wife. Tired from his unsuccessful escape attempts, Lee remembered the first trip he and Amanda had taken as a family...  
  
xxx  
  
Lee was exhausted. He and his family had spent the weekend at an amusement park along the boardwalk in Virginia Beach. Amanda and her mother were hunting down the boys, as they had to be heading home to be ready for work and school the next day. It was Labor Day weekend, and the family had wanted to have one last day of fun before the autumn routine began.  
  
Lee stood barefoot in the lapping waves on the moonlit beach, gazing out at the ocean. He had been married officially for nearly seven months--and though it had been an adjustment moving into Amanda's busy household, he loved every minute of it.  
  
"Hey," a soft voice greeted him, a welcome arm wrapping possessively around his side. He   
smiled and returned his wife's embrace. "The boys are still in the arcade; Mother said she'd make sure they were at the car in twenty minutes."  
  
"Great." The two stood in silence as they watched the dark shadows of ships on the sea, illuminated by the soft moonlight. Lost in their own thoughts, they weren't distracted by the many tourists still spread out along the beach.  
  
"It's beautiful, isn't it?" she said, sighing happily, wishing they didn't have to leave so soon. It had been a wonderful weekend, and she didn't think it was possible to be any more content than she was at that moment.  
  
"It sure is," he responded, turning to face her. "Everything is."  
  
She looked at him quizzically. "Hm?"  
  
"I love you," he said simply. "I love the boys. I love our family, our life." At her wide smile, he continued. "I was nervous at first, going from being a lone wolf to a family man. But out of all the traveling I've done, all the exciting chases--nothing even comes close to this. I've never known what it's like to be part of a real family before."  
  
Her eyes moistened at his impromptu speech. "You like it?"  
  
"I wouldn't trade it for anything. I never thought my life would take this path, but I couldn't have done anything better for myself. Where would I be if I hadn't run into you at that train station?"  
  
"Oh, Lee," Amanda answered, caressing his face. "We still would have met. However it happened, it still would have led to this moment. I love you." They kissed passionately, reveling in that moment--the salt spray of the sea, the lapping of waves at their feet, the mystic sound of the ocean.  
  
xxx  
  
Lee imagined he could hear the ocean then, as he leaned against the charred wall, his   
arm throbbing from his fall. "Oh, Amanda," he said aloud. "Please be safe."  
  
***  
  
The second hand of Amanda's wristwatch moved unbearabley slow around the dial. Occasionally it would skip backwards one tick before resuming its clockwise rotation. She felt her heart beat in unison with the timepiece, skipping a beat with each backwards tick, as though time were standing still, and no effort was being made toward rescue of any agents who were trapped inside the compromised building.  
  
Amanda pulled her eyes away from the watch, trying not to think of how much time had passed, and how the passing of a few minutes could be the difference between life and death. She and Lee had certainly had more than their fair share of close calls, but it seemed like no matter what challange they were faced with, they could make it through together.  
  
_Our relationship was hard at first,_ Amanda thought to herself, _one of our toughest challenges, but also the most rewarding. Our first wedding was special, but I didn't like lying to my family. It was so nice to finally have everything out in the open..._  
  
xxx  
  
"Why are you dragging your feet, Lee?" Amanda sat at the edge of his couch, a romantic evening taking a turn for the worse. It was rare these days for them to have a lot of private time together, and both had been looking forward to a relaxing night alone. But alas, too much conversation led them down the all-too-familiar path of when they would make an official engagement announcement.  
  
They had been unofficially married for several months--and while Amanda never regretted their secret ceremony, the stress of keeping it a secret was taking its toll on their relationship.  
  
"I'm trying, Amanda." Lee ran a worried hand through his hair as he paced in front of her. "It's complicated."  
  
"How?" she repeated the familiar question, her eyes searching his for an honest answer as he turned to face her question. "The boys love you, Mother loves you... It wouldn't be a surprise for us to be officially engaged." Her voice softened. "What are we waiting for?"  
  
He looked away, gazing at the window, unable to voice his true feelings. "I thought we decided it could be dangerous..."  
  
"We also knew that it wasn't going to be a secret forever," she reminded him. "Just until you got to know my kids."  
  
"I know, I know," he stalled. "I just--"  
  
Amanda stood up in frustration. "If you didn't want to be a part of my family, you should have told me before we ever got married."  
  
They stared at each other, unsure what to say next. Everything seemed to be falling apart. Lee finally said softly, "I love you."  
  
She didn't want to be hard, but she had to. They had been doing this dance for weeks now; it was time for some real answers. "But not my kids?"  
  
Lee's heart skipped, thinking of the two boys he had grown to care so much about. "How can you say that? Of course I love them, too. I would do anything for them."  
  
Her voice was shaky as she replied, "Anything except be their stepfather?"  
  
Lee didn't answer. He sat on the couch, his head in his hands. He looked like such a little boy at that moment that Amanda could not stay mad. She sat beside him, putting an understanding hand on his knee. He lifted his face to look at her, and she clasped his hand.  
  
"I know you're afraid, Lee," her voice soothed. "It's a big step. But we don't get to spend nearly enough time together. I feel like I'm being torn between you and the boys. I never have enough time to spend with any of you. And I hate lying to them."  
  
He sighed. "I know you do. I'm sorry you have to."  
  
"But I don't anymore," she insisted, shaking her head. "We can let everyone know we're together. We're a family."  
  
"I want everyone to know, Amanda," he agreed, concern in his eyes. "I don't know how you could think I'd be embarrassed--I'm so lucky to have you."  
  
Amanda looked away, feeling guilty, remembering the last time they had argued. "I never should have accused you of that, Lee. I'm so sorry. I was just frustrated."  
  
"You have every right to be," he acknowledged. "What else could you think?"  
  
"The truth," she said, squeezing his hand. "You didn't have a traditional family life growing up. You've been used to being on your own for so long. I can't imagine how hard it must be to suddenly have a family thrust upon you. But believe me," she smiled, "it's good to have people around who love you."  
  
Lee looked away, trying to hide the uncharacteristic moisture in his eyes, but he didn't fool her. She put her arm around him. "What is it, Sweetheart?"  
  
He took a deep breath and shook his head. "The more people you care about, the more likely you are to lose somebody."  
  
They sat quietly for several minutes, holding each other, each knowing they had come to the heart of his resistance.   
  
Amanda smiled encouragingly when she finally answered, picking her words carefully. "I know it's hard to get past things from childhood. It's tragic that you learned at such a young age to be tough and expect to lose people close to you. But the past doesn't have to repeat itself. Think of what you'd be giving the boys--a father-figure who is always there for them. My mother would be getting a son. And you'd be getting a family--a family that's already yours. You just have to make it official."  
  
He met her eyes before pulling her close. "I love you." When he loosened his embrace, he smiled. "I know we were supposed to have a romantic dinner, but can we postpone it?"  
  
She smiled tolerantly, understanding he needed time alone to think. "I'll see you tomorrow," she replied.  
  
"Wait," he grabbed her hand as she got up to leave. He stood in front of her. "What I mean is... I'd like to go home with you. We have an announcement to make to your family."  
  
"_Our_ family," she corrected with a grin. "Are you sure?"  
  
"Positive," he replied, his face shining. Butterflies fluttered in his stomach, but he knew it was more excitement than nervousness. He kissed her lightly and fingered the engagement ring that she would never have to remove again in the presence of her family.  
  
xxx  
  
Amanda looked at her rings now in the dim lights of the backup generator. Some anniversary this was turning out to be...  
  
***  
  
Part Three: For Richer or Poorer  
  
Amanda sighed. In spite of how the afternoon was turning out, she knew she would be rescued, and as worried as she was about Lee, she felt deep down inside that he would be okay, too. They had been through a lot together, but the rewards had been well worth it....  
  
xxx  
  
Lee had spent some time with Amanda's family the previous Christmas, and as nice as it was, this was so much better. He felt completely comfortable with the boys and his mother-in-law, and they accepted him as part of the family. Amanda watched him happily as he and the boys strung lights around the tree.  
  
Dotty entered with cups of eggnog prepared for everyone, definitely in her element. Not only was Christmas in a few days, but her daughter was getting married to a wonderful man in just over two months. What more could she ask for?  
  
"Thanks, Dotty," Lee smiled, taking a sip and setting his mug on the coffee table.  
  
"Did you spike it?" Phillip teased, jumping down from the ladder.  
  
"Phillip, be careful," his mother admonished, feeling lucky he had landed on two feet.   
  
"I'll spike it for you later," Lee winked, causing the boys to grin.  
  
"Lee," Amanda laughed. "You're impossible."  
  
"That's why you love me," he smiled, sitting next to her on the couch.  
  
"Can I start a fire, Mom?" Jamie asked, eying the fireplace.  
  
"Great idea, Sweetheart," she answered, resisting the urge to tell him to be careful. Her babies were growing up.  
  
"So, Lee," Phillip asked, sitting next to him and patting his shoulder. "How's it going?"  
  
Lee glanced at Amanda, suppressing a grin, before turning to the boy. "Good. And you?"  
  
"Great, great. Uh, there's one thing... you know, my speakers are getting a lot of static. It's kind of a bummer."  
  
"That's too bad."  
  
"I just wish I knew if I should try to fix them."  
  
Jamie had finished starting the fire and turned to his brother. "Forget it. It won't work."  
  
"What?" Phillip asked innocently.  
  
Lee shook his head. "Jamie already tried to con me earlier."  
  
"Maybe you can beat it out of him," Amanda winked, smiling at her sons' attempts to find out what they were getting for Christmas. She jumped out of the way just as both boys tackled Lee on the couch. The three guys rough-housed for awhile before falling to the floor in a heap, laughing.   
  
"Time to get ready for bed, boys," Dotty reminded them.  
  
"Do we have to?" Lee whined in unison with the boys, causing them to break into laughter again. Lee jumped up and ran up the stairs, the boys at his heels.  
  
"Thanks, Lee!" Dotty called after them.  
  
Amanda couldn't wipe the smile from her face. "This is so perfect, Mother."  
  
Dotty sat beside her. "I haven't seen you this happy in a long time."  
  
"There's a lot to be happy about," she confirmed. "I just wish..." Her voiced trailed off, and she shook her head.  
  
"I know, dear. Things are tight this year with all the money you and Lee are putting away for a new house. But the boys are older; they understand if they don't have heaps of presents under the tree."  
  
Amanda nodded. "They have their father spending a lot more time with them than he used to. Lee is here for them every day and is a great role model for them. We're going to find a wonderful new home but in the meantime live in a nice neighborhood, and we all have our health... Money isn't important right now. We're rich in so many other ways."  
  
Dotty kissed her daughter's cheek. "Good night, Amanda. I'll see you in the morning."  
  
"Good night, Mother."  
  
xxx  
  
"Mother," Amanda suddenly said out loud. What if the explosion had made the TV news? Unless the Agency had time to cover it up, the media was sure to say something about IFF... She looked nervously at her watch. How much longer would she be trapped here?  
  
***  
  
_It's been nearly an hour,_ Lee thought to himself. _Surely, they must know by now_. If only he hadn't been at the office... But being a section chief was a big responsibility. Amanda and he had been very happy with this promotion. Not only would it minimize the danger of being in the field, but the job also came with a nice raise. They had been wanting to move into a new home, one that was just for them--not a hand-me-down from a previous marriage. And Lee insisted that they not buy just _any_ house; he wanted them to have their dream home and lots of land. Why settle for less if all they had to do was be a bit patient? Money had been saved for a down payment, but they didn't want to clean out their savings.   
  
Lee didn't know how Amanda had budgeted for two growing boys all on her own--kids were more expensive than he had realized! Instead of buying himself designer suits, expensive champagne, and gourmet meals, he found himself investing in Levi's, Nikes, Nintendo, and various other items for his stepsons. He never saw it as a sacrifice; he loved helping provide for them, and he knew that the less money he spent on himself, the more he could save for more important investments.  
  
xxx  
  
"You don't have to do that, Lee," Amanda insisted as they reviewed bills together at their kitchen table. "We have enough."  
  
"It's not practical," he repeated. "The boys will be wanting their own cars soon."  
  
"Want, not need. They can get jobs during the summer. We can help them a little."  
  
"They shouldn't have to work while they're still in high school. Besides, we have college coming up, too."  
  
"Summer jobs are a great experience," she insisted. "And they're sure to get some sort of scholarships with their grades and extracurricular activities. Not to mention the savings bonds they both have. If it comes down to it, we can think about selling the Corvette then. But one practical car is enough for us right now."  
  
"I feel guilty."  
  
"You shouldn't." Amanda covered his hand with hers. "I know you've given up a lot to help support this family. You shouldn't have to give up everything."  
  
"I've gained a lot more than I've given up," he replied, smiling. "Besides, it's just a car."  
  
She laughed. "Just a car, huh?"  
  
"Hey, I've changed. Having a flashy car isn't important. Taking care of my family is."  
  
She scooted away from the table and leaned behind him, wrapping her arms around him and kissing his cheek. "Our family needs a flashy car. We have to keep the neighbors jealous."  
  
He grinned in defeat. "I guess the boys would be pretty mad if they didn't get a chance to impress their friends with it."  
  
"Exactly," she agreed, moving to sit in his lap. He held her close. We have plenty of money, Lee. You shouldn't worry so much.  
  
"I just want you and the boys to have the best," he said. "If we build up our savings a little more, we can start looking for our dream house. He got a faraway look in his eyes. We can get all new furniture, a couple horses--imagine that, Amanda. We can go for rides every night and take the boys camping on our own land--" He stopped, noticing the amusement in his wife's eyes. Okay, okay. I know I'm getting ahead of myself, but I just want us to be happy.  
  
She laughed at his eagerness. We _are_ happy. And I love you for wanting to give everything up so we can get our home all that faster. But we're both due for raises soon, she reminded him. In the meantime, we have each other. That's all we really need."  
  
He smiled, and the bills were forgotten as they kissed lovingly.  
  
xxx  
  
Lee's stomach growled, startling him out of his reminiscence. He hadn't bothered eating lunch as he knew they would be having a big dinner.  
  
Well, he thought to himself, if worse comes to worst, and I'm stuck here all night, at least our friends and family can have a nice dinner.  
  
***  
  
Part Four: In Sickness and in Health  
  
The longer Lee sat still, the more his muscles ached. But he didn't want to cause any more of the ceiling to cave in on him. He had thought he'd heard something earlier from the bullpen, but he couldn't be sure. His ears strained to catch a sound.  
  
It was too quiet in what was left of his office. He knew he was lucky that the fire in the lab had been extinguished by the emergency sprinklers, but the smoke still burned his throat. _What would Amanda say if she were here?_ Lee wondered.  
  
Suddenly he felt an urgent need to hear her voice, to know that she was okay. This yearning took him back to another, darker time; a time he was afraid he would lose her forever, though he had only just found her...  
  
xxx  
  
She was beautiful, even in the condition she was in. But there was too much machinery, too much white glaring at him in the room, too much sterility burning his nostrils. She was going to be okay. She had to be okay.  
  
Lee gripped her limp hand as she lay motionless in her hospital bed. _Some honeymoon._ Who knew his vow to remain by her side in sickness would be tested so soon?  
  
_It's my fault_, he thought gloomily. He knew there was no way he could have predicted the gunman's presence, but it was his friend they were visiting. Why did he have to bring her here? Why hadn't they come an hour sooner or an hour later? The bullet would not have hit her, would not have pierced their celebration.  
  
_It should have hit me_, he admonished himself. Amanda didn't deserve this. Her mother didn't deserve to have to see her this way. And as much as Lee wanted to tell Dotty everything, he lied, hiding their marriage as planned.  
  
"I love you," he whispered to his still wife, his heart aching to hear her voice, see her beautiful eyes looking deeply into his, feel her body tightly against him.  
  
xxx  
  
Lee sighed. "Amanda," he said softly to the empty, charred room. "I love you."  
  
***  
  
Amanda, too, was thinking about their first honeymoon. Everything had been so perfect once that darn maid had finally left their room. But then she was hit, and didn't remember much of anything until she awoke and saw her mother standing blurrily by her side, then Lee's beautiful face came into focus as her mind cleared.  
  
xxx  
  
"I love you, Mrs. Stetson," he had said, relief evident on his tired face.  
  
Now Amanda sat on her hospital bed, waiting for the nurse to sign the release forms. Her mother was napping at a nearby hotel, and Lee had just finished getting Amanda's things together.  
  
"Ready?" he asked, sitting down gently next to her. Though she was well enough to go home, she still had a lot of recuperating left to do.  
  
She nodded, leaning against him. After a few minutes of silence, she asked, "What if I had died?"  
  
Lee's voice tightened. "You're fine."  
  
She looked at him closely. "How would you be? And Mother? And the boys?"  
  
He lowered his head, obviously afraid she was blaming him. "Maybe this was a mistake."  
  
"No," she said quickly, realizing he was misinterpreting what she meant. "No, Lee. I love you. I'm so happy that we got married."  
  
He looked at her tentatively. "This wouldn't have happened if--"  
  
"Hey," she insisted. "This was not your fault." She paused. "I just... I don't want to keep this a secret forever."  
  
"No," he replied, "of course not."  
  
"If I had died, would you have told her?"  
  
He thought for a moment. "Yes," he concluded. "I think you would want her to know. And I would have explained why we kept it a secret, and that we had planned to tell them when it was safe."  
  
She nodded. "I don't want to die without telling her. What would they think, knowing I'd been lying to them for so long?"  
  
"They would understand. I would make sure of it."  
  
She smiled. "I know you would."  
  
"But," he said, "You're going to recover. You'll be healthier than before."  
  
"I feel much better," she agreed. "My strength is coming back. And," she winked, "I have great incentive to get back to 100 percent."  
  
He kissed her as the nurse came in with a wheelchair.  
  
"Should I come back later?" the young blonde grinned.  
  
They ended their kiss and smiled. "We're ready," Lee replied.  
  
"We have the rest of our lives," Amanda said softly. Lee squeezed her hand and helped her to the wheelchair.  
  
xxx  
  
"The rest of our lives," Amanda remembered saying as she stretched her arms and yawned. If we could only get the heck out of here...  
  
***  
  
Part Five: To Love and to Cherish  
  
When she was in college, she had thought she would spend the rest of her life with Joe. But Amanda's feelings for Lee were so different than they had been for her first husband. Looking at her dismal surroundings, Amanda couldn't help but smile at the absurdity of it all. She never would have guessed she'd end up here. But aside from a few unpleasantries she could have   
lived without, she wouldn't change a thing.  
  
She wasn't sure how long she had been in love with Lee, but it was long before they had shared their first real kiss. And she'd noticed that he, too, had seemed uninterested in dating others. The parade of women he used to line up for his weekends had disappeared, and they had found themselves spending more and more time together.  
  
xxx  
  
_He locked the door,_ Amanda realized in happy surprise. _He actually locked the door. This is it. Finally!_  
  
Lee smiled, a look of determination on his face. They held each other, happy acknowledgement in their eyes of what was about to happen, and their lips met.  
  
They spent a long time in their office, just kissing and touching, finally feeling free to express their feelings. He loved her, she knew, though neither had the courage to say those exact words.  
  
They had nearly kissed earlier, using rehearsal for the play as a convenient excuse, but it seemed their fate to always be interrupted. "Not this time," he had said._ Not this time, or ever again_, Amanda had added silently._ I'm never letting him go now._  
  
They sat close on the couch, holding each other. "I think that was worth the wait," she concluded.   
  
He laughed. "But what took so long?"  
  
"You should have thought about locking that door a long time ago."  
  
"This is so new to me," he confessed.  
  
She raised an eyebrow but decided not to tease him. "How so?"  
  
"Well," he began, unsure how to explain himself. "You're very special to me, Amanda. I've never been as close to anyone as I am to you. I feel safe with you. You've changed my life."  
  
"You've changed mine, too," she said softly.  
  
"I think," he continued, "I've been afraid I'd screw things up with you. You're not just any woman--you're my Amanda."  
  
She smiled lovingly at him. "And you're my Lee. We're not going to screw this up."  
  
"People always say that," he worried aloud.  
  
"Joe and I said that," she acknowledged. "But we didn't know any better. We grew apart. We met in school with our whole lives ahead of us. Things were bound to change, and we moved in opposite directions. But we're different, Lee. We're old enough to know who we are and what we want."  
  
He smiled, her words having calmed his worries. "I know what I want," he agreed. "I want you."  
  
She pulled him close. "And I want you." Their lips met again, and no one bothered to retry the locked door.  
  
xxx  
  
"I want you," Amanda repeated his words, remembering how they had made her heart soar. "I wish I knew for sure that you're okay."  
  
She turned to face the wall upon which she had been leaning. She reached her hand out and pressed it against the rubble. "I'm here, Lee," she said softly, staring at the debris and keeping faith that her husband was all right. Help couldn't be far now.  
  
***   
  
Lee's aching muscles couldn't take his position any longer, and he stood, wincing at the pain. He walked stiffly around the room, wondering when he would hear from the outside world.  
  
"I should have taken a damn cab home," he muttered to himself, wishing there was no chance his wife was in the damaged building. _But it wouldn't have mattered,_ he acknowledged. Amanda would have come for him, would have insisted. She could be very determined, Lee smiled to himself, thinking of all the times she had promised to obey him at work and had ignored his orders.  
  
xxx  
  
"Wouldn't it be nice to write our own vows this time?" Amanda suddenly asked Lee over a quick lunch break from a case they were working on.  
  
"That's an idea," he hedged, unsure if he had the talent to put his feelings into words--unsure he wanted to bare his soul to the world.  
  
"You don't want to?" She seemed somewhat disappointed, but not surprised. "It's   
okay," she shook her head, pushing food around on her plate. "We don't have to."  
  
"It's not that I don't want to..." At her look, he reconsidered. "Okay, I don't want to. But it's not that simple. I just--it's private how I feel. I mean, I love you, and I want everyone to know that, but I just don't feel comfortable saying the things I would need to say, not to everyone."  
  
"What would you say?" she prodded, waving away the other diners at surrounding tables. "If it was just us."  
  
He smiled almost shyly. "I would say that... that you are the most important person in my life. That I love you more than I thought it was possible. That I would be lost without you."  
  
She took his hand. "And?"  
  
"You made me into a better person, and I've learned a lot from you. I would sacrifice everything for you," he paused. "I can't even express how I feel in words, Amanda. It doesn't do justice."  
  
She smiled through her moistened eyes. "I love you." She leaned across the table to kiss him. When they finally pulled apart to sit down, the entire restaurant applauded.   
  
They looked around self-consciously. Lee stood up and said loudly, "I love you, Amanda King."  
  
She grinned in surprise as a few women "awed" nearby and told her he was a keeper.  
  
"And I'm never letting him go," she told them.  
  
Lee sat back down. "You know, it's a good thing vows have been changed a little."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"I don't think you could in good faith pledge to obey me--I would know it was a sham right from the start."  
  
"Lee," she tried to feign hurt but couldn't suppress a smile.  
  
"How many times have I--"  
  
"Don't start on that now, Buster," she warned. "This is a marriage, not a business."  
  
"I know. I'm the one who will have to obey."  
  
xxx  
  
They had laughed then, and Lee laughed now, remembering. He sat back down, facing what used to be the entrance to his office. He placed his hand on the debris.  
  
"Are you out there, Amanda?"  
  
***  
  
Part Six/Conclusion: For All the Days of Our Lives  
  
"I'm here, Lee," Amanda repeated, sighing. "This is ridiculous." A new determination filled her. "This is our anniversary, and I'm not going to let it be ruined." She stood up and looked at the daunting task before her. "I'm going to do it. I don't care how long it takes me; I'm tired of waiting."  
  
Piece by piece she moved the rubble, hoping not to create an avalanche of plaster and drywall. She worked steadily for twenty minutes before the crash came. She jumped out of the way just in time to avoid the mass of materials that tumbled down toward her.  
  
The falling rubble echoed throughout the bullpen and was loud enough to reach Lee's ears. He jumped up, ignoring the ache in his head, and began to claw through his side of the mess. "Hello!" he called out, hoping the rescuers would hear him.  
  
Amanda climbed over the debris that had fallen. Was she hearing things? "Lee!" she shouted. "Lee, can you hear me?!"  
  
Lee stopped digging. "Amanda?!"  
  
"Yes, it's me! Are you okay?!"  
  
"Yeah, you?!"  
  
"I'm fine!"  
  
New incentive filled them both with energy, and they worked silently and quickly, trying to remove the barrier between them. Bruises and scrapes marked their skin, but they didn't feel them. They had a common goal, and teamwork would reunite them.  
  
A half-hour later, Amanda began to feel the consequences of her back-breaking labor. But she refused to give up. She heard another rumble from the other side of the wall. "Lee!"  
  
No answer.  
  
"Lee!" What if the debris had knocked him unconscious? As she reached for another chunk of wall, she heard his voice.  
  
"Hey," he said. "What's up?"  
  
Amanda quickly looked to her left. She saw a wonderfully familiar hand poking through her side of the wall. "Oh, Lee." She hurried toward him and grabbed his hand to squeeze in reassurance. "We'll get you out of there in no time."  
  
"So, you're not with the rescuers?"  
  
"No, I was just coming in the bullpen when the explosion hit. Do you have any ideas how this happened?"  
  
"No--just that I want to get out of here so I can hold you."  
  
"And never let go," she declared, releasing his hand so they could make his exit large enough.  
  
"I better push it towards your side; it's pretty crowded in here," he told her. "Stand back."  
  
She did as he instructed, and debris piled onto the cluttered floor. Coughing, Amanda ran to the opening and reached for her husband. Lee squeezed his way through, and she helped pull him into the bullpen. She held him tight against her, her heart pounding in relief.   
  
"I love you," she said in a tight voice, not realizing how worried she had been until he was safely in her arms.  
  
"I love you," he repeated, squeezing her against him.   
  
When they dared to finally pull apart, Lee surveyed the room. "Wow."  
  
"They did quite a number," Amanda agreed. They stepped away from his office, and Lee led the way to one of the few desks left standing upright.  
  
"It came from the analysis lab, right above me."  
  
"You got lucky," she said sitting close to him on the desk, her arm tightly around him. "Very lucky."  
  
He nodded. "It could have been much worse."  
  
They sat that way in silence for nearly an hour before the sounds of rescue reached them. To their surprise, the first person to reach them was Billy.  
  
"What are you doing here?" Lee asked his old friend.  
  
"Saving your ass," he winked. "Besides," he explained, giving Amanda a hug and shaking Lee's hand, "you never really retire. Just ask Harry."  
  
They smiled in acknowledgement, thinking of the Agency's founder, who was never far away.  
  
"Was anyone hurt? Amanda asked, concerned.  
  
Nothing serious, Billy responded. They were all worried about Scarecrow down here.  
  
Amanda squeezed Lee's hand as she inquired, How did this happen?"   
  
"Chemicals, Billy explained. Burned right through the roof of the analysis lab. It must have been quite a show in there," he motioned to the office.  
  
Lee nodded. "Who did it?"  
  
"I thought you were the chief here now, Scarecrow?" He patted him good-naturedly on the shoulder. "There's only about a dozen people with a key to that lab--hell, it could have been an accident. That's what you get to find out first thing Monday morning. But," he glanced at his watch, "aren't you late for dinner?"  
  
Lee and Amanda looked quickly at each other. She asked, "We don't need to stay to answer questions?"  
  
"I pulled some strings. Get out of here. I'll have to miss dinner, though."  
  
"We'll save some for you," Lee grinned. "You're the best, Billy."  
  
"And don't you forget it," he replied as Agency crew began to sift through the rubble.  
  
***  
  
They sat in bed together, too exhausted from the day's events to finish out the evening as planned. Lee hung up the phone.  
  
"Billy said they estimate our floor of the Agency and the two above it will have to relocate for a couple of weeks."  
  
"That's not bad," Amanda commented, snuggling closer.  
  
"They want to be as discrete as possible, so the quicker the better." He kissed her forehead, and she yawned sleepily. "Francine has a nice surprise for us."  
  
"Really?" Amanda raised her eyebrows curiously. Though Francine was much more of a friend to Amanda than she had been in their first years working together, she still had an edge to her and didn't usually go out of her way to be helpful.  
  
"She volunteered to take over for me while the Agency's being fixed up."  
  
"Wow," she commented, impressed. "Hey, that means..."  
  
"I'm a free man for the next two weeks."  
  
"A second honeymoon?" she suggested, smiling.  
  
"Great minds think alike... One thing's for sure. We'll never forget this anniversary."  
  
"Mm." She thought back to their vivid entrance that night. Dotty had taken over and dutifully served everyone the prepared dinner as they waited for word of IFF. It hadn't been a big story, as the public heard it was the basement of some film building that caught fire. No one had been reported to be inside, so coverage was minimal. But Dotty and some of the others gathered   
for the party understood the significance of that report and were on edge all evening. Billy's call had reassured them, and Dotty was serving ice cream for dessert as the roughed-up pair entered. Much fuss was made over them, they socialized awhile, but the guests politely excused themselves, seeing that the couple was exhausted from their ordeal. The boys and Dotty were cleaning up downstairs as Lee and Amanda discussed their day.  
  
"Before I fall asleep," Amanda added, yawning, "I just wanted to say happy anniversary."  
  
"Happy anniversary," he echoed, kissing her forehead. He smiled, taking a package out of his nightstand drawer.   
  
She grinned at the little box and undid the ribbon. Removing the lid, she discovered a beautiful diamond bracelet, with little hearts that matched her necklace. "Oh, Lee. It's perfect. Are you sure we can afford it?"  
  
"Positive," he declared. "We don't have to worry about money any more."  
  
She smiled, suddenly remembering what she had planned to tell Lee. "I have something for you downstairs, but it's not as important as what I have here."  
  
He looked at her, confused.  
  
She sat up straight, taking both his hands in hers. "Lee, I know we didn't expect it, but..." She placed one of his hands on her abdomen. "It's too early to feel yet, but he or she is there just the same."  
  
He stared in awe at his hand before looking up at her. "We're going to have a baby?"  
  
She nodded, and he pulled her close. "Amanda," was all he could say as he stroked her hair.   
  
"I know you love the boys like your own, but now you'll have the chance to help raise a child from the beginning, to really be a daddy."  
  
He looked deep into her eyes. "I was thinking about our vows today," he said softly.  
  
"So was I," she answered with a smile, not at all surprised at their connection.  
  
"I love you. I love our life together."  
  
"Me, too."  
  
"I was so afraid that you were in the building today. I was so afraid that we had run out of time. But I only had one regret. . . that I wouldn't ever be able to hold you again."  
  
"I know," she responded, kissing him lightly. "I know."  
  
"You know which vow is my favorite?"  
  
"To obey?" she teased.  
  
"We couldn't use that one, remember?" he winked. "My favorite," he continued, holding her close as their eyes locked, "is to have and to hold, from this day forward--"  
  
"--for all the days of our lives," she completed. They kissed then, love and passion renewing their energy. Maybe the night would be completed as planned after all...  
  
  
THE END  
  
  
***  
  
NOTE: This story was written in summer 2001, before the events of September 11th--the explosion idea was in no way in reference to this tragic event. I mention this because I first used the term ground zero in my story, but changed it in light of 9/11, and just want to assure readers that any other similarities are unintentional.


End file.
